Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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