it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
