Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
