why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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