You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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