i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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