I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I could make wine with my vomit
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
