Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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