Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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