went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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