There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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