She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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