WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
