She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
