he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
