Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
