this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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