Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
