so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
