Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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