THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
