I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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