dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
