I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
