You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
