His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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