and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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