By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
