this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
