I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
