I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
