Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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