I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
