i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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