I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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