Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
