and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
