Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
