Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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