Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
