his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
