I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
