Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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