Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
