I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
