I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
