My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
