Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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