Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
