If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
